i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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