I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
