So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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