There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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