You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
