did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
