There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
