I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
