is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
