Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize