Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
