he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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