I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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