I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
