Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
