well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
