I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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