I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
