Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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