I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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