It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Still dying that you shit outside
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
