meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
