Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
