i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
