Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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