I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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