I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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