I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
