Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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