i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize