feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
