I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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