the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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