My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
