Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
