i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
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