So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
