I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
