that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
