I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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