Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
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