Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
