im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
