I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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