every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
