he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
