and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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