Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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