like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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