Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
