dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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