i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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