He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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