a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Randomize