Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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