My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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