I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
