I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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