it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
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