I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
