You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
