I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
