dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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