remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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