dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
