A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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