I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
