I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize