My first STD was from a foam party
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
