she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
