if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Randomize
