The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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