woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
