i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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