you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
