Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.

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(218): View more from Minnesota

Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.

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(604): View more from British Columbia

Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP

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(714): View more from California

We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.

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(425): View more from Washington

It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.

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(208): View more from Idaho

I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones

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(970): View more from Colorado

Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.

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