Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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