If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
