It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
