I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize