you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
