I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
