im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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