Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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