Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
