Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize