I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
