No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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