am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
