I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
i think my cat just said my name.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
