The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
We named our party play list daddy issues
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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