Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
