forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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