this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
