so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
