Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
