The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
