is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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