This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
