Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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