therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
