drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
