i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
