Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
