Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
