I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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