textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
