I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
