I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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