No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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