i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
