I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i will never coherently bang her
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
