did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
ttyl tear gas
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
