There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
