but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize