my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
