We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
