I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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