I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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