I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
