I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
she peed on how many people?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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