what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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