Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
