I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
