Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So much rum. So many feels.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize